Never Make Someone a Priority in Your Life When You are Just an Option in Theirs: A Collection of Thoughts from Around the Web.

We are going to discuss something that Steve Harvey has talked about in the area of dealing with relationships. He stated that you should never make someone a priority that has made you an option. Now this is a very powerful statement in that it deals with and covers a very large area of relationships. Whether you are dealing with a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, brother/sister, mother/father, or just a friend in general, you should always be able to know where you fit in. Because knowing early in the game will prevent you and your heart from ever being hurt again.

One thing I have learned over the years is that actions scream louder than any word anyone could ever speak. I like the stage play, ‘Madea Goes To Jail’ because in one of the scenes, Madea is quoting Maya Angelo and she says, ‘if someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM’! Now talk about an epiphany! For all of you slow folks, what this simply means is that you study and see the actions of an individual (or lack thereof), if they do what they say that they will do, and you will know what they are capable of (and what they are not) and who they really are. Again, Talk, Talk, Talk is CHEAP and means nothing!!! Your ACTIONS define who you really are and enable others eventually to “predict” whether to depend upon you or not or what you’ll do in a given situation. Don’t overlook something just because you want to believe differently about that person. Take everything at face value.

Jenn said…

That’s probably the best advice I’ve ever heard. I mean, when you think about it, it’s totally true. You spend all your time putting someone else first in your life. You wonder what they’re thinking and are they happy, are they sad, and what can you do to make them happy. And to them, you’re nothing more than an afterthought, low priority, on the farthest back burner and coming completely after everyone and everything else. To them, you are someone to occupy time and entertain when they are bored and it’s completely convenient — such as a weekend girlfriend or boyfriend or something like that. They spend maybe one day with you on the weekend. And then when Monday comes, they ignore you like you don’t exist. MAYBE they’ll send you a few text messages or emails. MAYBE they’ll answer the phone if you call. But, more often than not, they don’t think about you. You get frustrated, angry and sad and wonder what is going on and why you and your time are considered so unimportant that even the most trivial and unimportant tasks easily outweigh spending time with you. What can you do differently to get them to realize that your time is important to you? How can you get them to stop tarnishing their credibility by saying one thing and totally doing another, while leaving you hanging, wondering and frustrated? All you can do is stop making someone a priority when you are nothing more than their option. Love yourself first and the universe will bring amazing people into your life. Never ever settle for less than what you deserve.

July 6, 2009 8:04 PM

Anonymous said…

Like others here, I made him a priority for 5 years, before wising up and realizing his being busy, was lame, just excuses to be with others and do other things. He didn’t want to make me a priority. Bye-Bye Loser.

July 15, 2009 2:39 PM

Author: Anonymous

Thread: Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

Posted: 11/2/2006 2:30:42 AM

True!!! Life is too short to waste time, energy and make him/her your priority while you aren’t a priority in their lives. We have to put energy ONLY on someone who will do the same efforts as you to spend time and be with you, do what they say, show up when they say and generally be credible and trustworthy enough for what they tell you to be counted on. How many time have you wasted energy and time on someone and they aren’t even aware how much you work very hard to be available, be on time, be flexible make these simplest of things work and look at you at the end as if you’re crazy or intense if you ask them to do the same?

Author: Anonymous

Thread: Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

Posted: 12/1/2005 3:43:42 AM

I like this thread. I think it’s worth recognizing that if you do find yourself in a relationship where you are treating the other person as a priority but the other person has many priorities before you, then you really need to look at if it’s really a relationship at all.

Author: Anonymous

Thread: Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

Posted: 11/2/2006 4:57:42 AM

I have been in this situation, as I am sure many others have been as well. My philosophy is that I don’t chase after anyone. That sort of thing is just a game for children. The moment I feel I have to fight for someone’s attention, I move on. It’s not worth it.

Most of the time, what you put out is what you receive. If you consistently run into the same problems in life, maybe YOU are doing something wrong. Ever heard that you are constantly late? Ever heard that you aren’t dependable and can’t be counted on to be there ready-to-go as planned or agreed or As You Said You’d Be? Ever been given a task or job and said you’d have it done, but it isn’t done on time or isn’t done at all? Is this scenario repeated constantly with everyone you know, family, friend or associate?

Author: Anonymous

Thread: Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

Posted: 11/2/2006 6:15:26 AM

Incredibly true, I completely agree with you! Been there done that… no thanks! When I love, my whole heart is in it and if the person I’m with doesn’t give me 100%, what’s the point?! Love is about finding your equal, your soul-mate not a compromise!! And your soul-mate would feel the same you do and you’d never have the problem to just be or feel like an option when it’s convenient! I won’t compromise… maybe that’s why I’m still single… lol… but that’s ok… whoever he is I’ll find him when it’s meant to be!

Author: Anonymous

Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

Posted: 11/2/2006 8:07:24 AM

Yes it would be a lovely world if you could just ask what you can do for another person, but at some point, if they aren’t doing anything for you, wouldn’t you feel just a bit used?

This illustrates my point exactly. I do things for people who appreciate it, and that includes my partner. I don’t ask for anything, but if I am disrespected, or used, then I have the right to effect a change. There is no need to whine about it, just do it.

However, be sure what you are doing is based on fact, not just feeling. Sometimes when we feel used or disrespected, it is because we never took the time, made the effort or actually asked for the other person’s viewpoint.

Author: Anonymous

Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

Posted: 11/2/2006 11:42:40 AM

The moment I feel I have to fight for someone’s attention, I move on. It’s not worth it.

I’ve played second fiddle more than once and I won’t ever do it again. Relationships take work – from both parties. Nothing is perfect 100% of the time, but with a bit of effort, a loving relationship is within reach. And, it’s not good to lead them on either… let them go. Maybe they’re just not into you.

Author: Anonymous

Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

Posted: 3/13/2007 6:23:03 AM

Actually this is a quote that has come to mean a lot to me over the last several months. I believe like several of you that a relationship either clicks or doesn’t. Some of the best relationships are the ones that you don’t have to work at it to be together…it just falls into place…others take some work. I have a demanding job, a house, and a 15 yr old…so time is a luxury for me. In the early stages of talking to someone, I read their profile and if it is as full or more so than mine….I ask them if they have time for another person in their life…if they think that they will be pressed to make time…we just become friends. When dating someone, and I see a pattern developing that I am becoming an ‘option’, I address it with them. If changes aren’t made…I take my toys and go home. I know that people can sense when someone is just going through a busy phase of their life and when you are just an afterthought. Two things I refuse to be…an afterthought, and just one of the crowd.

The Spectacle

12-07-2007, 10:17 AM

Ignore the few references to God if need be. Personally, I think of “a Creator or Creators”. Be an adult and actually take this in…In our quest for happiness, we must be sure that we don’t settle for a playmate when God has a Soul mate waiting for us. Sometimes this is a hard distinction to make. Playmates are tricky. They are so much fun to be with that even the smartest of us will be fooled into thinking this has to be our Soul mate. Worse yet too many of us attempt to make a soul mate out of a Playmate.

The danger of this is that later, after many years of playing, we will meet our Soul mate, but it may be too late. We may have already made a “Life mate” out of our original Playmate(s) and created life-long bonds (children, home, cars, court arrangements, debts, etc.).

Alternatively, we may have been hurt from playing so hard that we are in no shape ourselves to be anyone’s anything. How can we distinguish between The One, and just another one? First, we must be open with ourselves about who we really are and what our soul yearns for. Only you and God know what is truly in your heart and mind.

Only you know what will make you truly happy and whole. In order to find your Soul mate you have to know you, first. You must be willing to listen to that inner voice. Moreover, is that voice telling you that the nerdy person you enjoy talking and sharing your thoughts with, could be him? What about that friend who is always willing to go the extra mile for you when no one else will. Oh no! He’s too short or too tall, balding or too hairy, and on and on? Just too ordinary looking for me!

GUYS….Then there’s that girl who makes you feel so special when you’re around her, but she doesn’t match that ideal you have conjured in your head. She’s too tall, not slender enough, not light or dark enough, not shapely enough, not attractive enough, and on and on. She just couldn’t be for me! Therefore, what if he or she doesn’t look like a supermodel?

Don’t push away someone who is right there in your face, someone who you think you are not good for, but you never asked them. Is the next person going to treat you like the jewel that you are? Not only that, his or her soul and yours will commune in ways you never imagined possible! In order to heed that voice, we have to put on the back burner our own superficial thinking. Could it be that your inner desire is for a truly genuine person with a good heart? If you enjoy playing, stay on the playground. There are plenty of Playmates out there to occupy your time. Nevertheless, don’t spend too much time playing or you may play your life away. Eventually the playing loses it appeal and your soul begins to crave a deeper, more meaningful connection. Your soul begins to crave your Soul mate.

Never make someone a priority when all you are to him or her is an option.



One Response to “Never Make Someone a Priority in Your Life When You are Just an Option in Theirs: A Collection of Thoughts from Around the Web.”

  1. lisa1 Says:

    I never fully understood this phrase until recently. By then it was too late because I was the option and making him my priority. I would tell all my friends about him and introduce them. Meanwhile, six months go by I am rarely invited to his home and didn’t meet any of his friends. He then pencils me in once a week for visits that turn into sex and him leaving early morning. No one to blame but me. I have learned the lesson and don’t ever want to repeat it.

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